How I got into this solo-travel thing

Written on 10 May

This first blog entry is quite personal and drawn out; not all entries will be so intense!

After three days in Bangkok, I await my delayed train to Chiang Mai. Arriving in the Thai capital was difficult: it was late at night and I was alone in my dingy room, unable to deal with the sweltering heat and the fact that I was alone in a strange city. 'What am I trying to do here?', I thought to myself. I'm just not cut out for this. I want to go home.

But what a difference a few days with some really special people can make! I felt relatively satisfied with myself on that first full day. Yes, I was alone. But I was managing just fine, exploring the markets and wandering the streets. I had a bit of a low moment. How I already missed the company of people! Sitting with another backpacker for lunch helped to lift my spirits, and I looked forward to the evening, when I'd have the opportunity to meet more people in a bar.

I was lucky. After a conversation in one bar with a professional pool player went awry, I wandered down Khaosan Road--backpacker central--into a rooftop bar that was packed with travellers. I ordered a beer and stood on my own, enjoying the live music. I was just beginning to feel a bit awkward, as I was the only person in the whole place who was alone, when a girl from a nearby table approached me, inviting me to join her group. I happily accepted.

We were two men and two women: Graeme, a musician of slight build sporting dreadlocks; Darren, a fat, balding drunkard wearing a flimsy sleeveless top; Catherine, a 19-year-old student; and me. Quite a bizarre combination, indeed, but it seemed to be working... at least that was my first impression.

Right from the start, I got on well with Catherine. She made me feel so much better when she told me that she'd been travelling on her own for three months and she still sometimes gets lonely and has the urge to go home. However, Darren soon began talking to me. The more he drank, the more possessive he became. He refused to allow Graeme and I to talk to one another, and was very physical, often grabbing my arm and pulling my towards him. Worst of all, he was extremely demeaning to women. His behaviour was simply appalling: when he wasn't slapping a woman's ass, we was scanning the room, looking for the next piece of meat to prey on.

Ironically, Darren was the one who first suggested that Catherine ought to invite me to sit down with them. This slimeball turned out to be the magnet that drew me to two amazing people.

Catherine and I ended up spending the next two days together. We'd have breakfast at our favourite streetside vendor and then venture off to expore Bangkok. We seemed to be on the same wavelength, and very much enjoyed each other's company.

I spent my evenings with Graeme, discussing everything from politics to religion, society to relationships. I don't know where to begin describing him; there are just too many dimensions to his character He is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. He is well read, and has a near-encyclopaedic memory. It is immediately apparent that he spends a lot of time not only reading, but thinking about what he's read and its significance. He's constantly looking for solutions to the world's problems--war, poverty, injustice... the list goes on. He is antiestablishmentarian and extremely liberal-minded. He has very strong, almost forceful, opinions about nearly everything. I found it hard to disagree with him, even when it was my gut reaction to do so. I believe he truly has the power to change the world. Graeme is kind, generous, friendly. There is something about him that causes those in his vicinity to gravitate towards him. Those who don't know him wish they did; those who do exhibit a sense of pride in having made his aquaintance. And rightly so: I feel so fortunate to have met Graeme and spent so much time with him.

My first evening with Graeme left me with a feeling of emptiness and gross inadequacy. This man occuppies his time seriously contemplating issues that matter to humanity. Every decision he makes is well thought out, purposeful. He never contradicts himself and always acts in accordance with his beliefs. I can't help but compare myself to him. I feel selfish because I've made my own happiness my top priority, both in my thoughts and in my actions. I feel uneducated; although I've completed five years of university, I still don't know the first thing about politics. Finally--and this is the worst thing--my poor memory for facts stands in stark contrast to Graeme's impeccable one. I felt like Graeme had had enough of my campany; I felt as though he'd given me so much, and I had nothing to offer in return.

But the next evening, Graeme said something to me that made me realise that this wasn't true. He told me he had really enjoyed our conversations and wished I wasn't leaving so soon. This compliment was later strengthened when he told me that the people he can bear to spend any lenght of time with are few and far between.

I value having met Graeme for at least three important reasons:

1) He opened my eyes to some of the problems of the world we live in today. He showed me that we have to educate ourselves to become empowered; that governments have more power than they ought to; that the thirst for money and power will drive some people to do anything, even to kill; and many more such things.

2) He gave my confidence in myself, a confidence I often lack. I am fully aware of my capabilities, but I am also very conscious of my limitations. I often worry that the latter outweight the former. Meeting someone like Graeme--someone I hid little from, and admire so much--abd knowing that he was stimulated by our conversation forced me to realise that this may not be the case.

3) I'm beginning to truly appreciate the value of travelling solo. If I were here with a friend, I would not have met Graeme (or Catherine)--that much is obvious. But, more importantly, I would not have any time to myself, time that I'm beginning to value more and more.

It was with sadness that I said goodbye to Graeme, waving to him from the seat of my tuk tuk, wondering if I'd ever see him again. No matter what happens from here on, I will always remember and cherish my first days in Bangkok.